Hello penny lovers, we are back with funny 5 penny jokes and riddles.
5 penny jokes are becoming more popular in those days.
Here are some of the most famous 5 penny jokes and riddles.
Best Five penny jokes
- I have 5 pennies. I lay one on a table.
I point to the penny.
“There’s a cent.”
I lay a second penny down.
“See any fruit?”
“There’s a pair.”
“See any cops?”
“There are three coppers right there.”
“See any cars?”
“There’s 4 Lincoln’s”
And finally the fifth penny.
“So do you see any pussy? No? Well duh, you ain’t getting any for just 5 cents”
- If the US got rid of pennies
It would be a decent country
- Why is 1968 pennyworth almost $20?
Because that’s only 32 short.
- Some days I feel like a hundred million pennies
It’s a million bucks, but it’s kinda heavy
- “A few pennies, sir?” asked the homeless man.
I looked into his guitar case and said, “I’ll pass, mate. There’s not even enough for a sandwich in there! But thanks, anyway”
- Yo mama like a penny: two-faced, worthless and in everybody’s pants
- I saw a bum today holding a sign that said “bet ya can’t hit me with a quarter.” He was right..
but he couldn’t dodge the 25 pennies.
- What do you call a man with 1000 pennies?
A man with a lot of common cents.
- A rich blonde woman from Beverly Hills was at the dentist about to get her tooth pulled.
The dentist asked, “Do you want a local anesthetic?”
She shook her head and said, “Let’s not pinch pennies, doctor. I only want the best! Do you have anything imported?”
- How did Helen Keller’s parents punish her?
Put her in a circle room and told her to find the penny in the corner.
- Take five pennies…lay them out in a row. As you tell the joke slide one into a different row.
You smell anything? There’s ascent. You see any fruit? There’s a pear. You see any cars? There are 3 Lincolns. You see any snakes? There are 4 copper heads. You see any pussy? Not for 5 cents you don’t.
- If I had a penny for every time I didn’t understand what was going on
I’d be asking “Why do I keep getting pennies?”
- What has a head and tail but no legs?
- That is a “Penny-Farthing” bicycle, Dimes if you feed it beans.
- I always carry 2 nickels and 2 pennies
So that way I’ll never be so poor that I don’t have 2 nickels to rub together, and I gain always put my 2 cents in on a situation.
- Did you hear that the star of Con Air was arrested and put in a jail cell filled with pennies, dimes, and quarters?
It was a nickel-less cage.
- Frank is relaxing in a bar.
The bartender comes up to him and asks, “Why do you have such big coins?” for in Frank’s pocket, there are some pretty big-sized coins.
“Well these are 10-inch pennies,” he replies.
A woman nearby asks, “how did you get them?”
Frank then proceeds to tell the story of how he was in a foreign country and he bought this doll that could get him anything. Amazed, the people of the bar want to have a go, to which Frank replies, “sure, I’ll get it now.” And he brings out a miniature doll, about the size of a normal kids doll. He warns everyone that it doesn’t hear things properly, but no one listens because they’re so fascinated.
A man says, “I want a million pounds!” and in through the front door walk a million girls. “We’re ready to pound you!”
Then a woman says, “I want an electric car with voice control!” and soon after that, there’s a horn, and the woman checks on her new car.
“It’s dyslexic, not electric!” she complains.
Then she asks Frank, “what exactly did you ask for?”
Frank replies, “I certainly didn’t ask for some 10-inch-wide pennies!”
- What did the dime say to the penny?
At least I have more cents than you.
- A doctor is telling three women what they are addicted to.
He says to the first one “You are addicted to money, you named your daughter Penny” He says to the second one “You are addicted to food, you named your daughter Candy”
Then the third one whispers to her son “Come on Dick, let’s go.”
- I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money.
Last night, I fucked a chick named Penny. What are the odds?
- Which president has never gone to jail… Lincoln because he’s in a cent get it innocent in a cent
- What did one penny say to another penny?
We make a perfect cent!
- Pennywise got his role at his job changed.
Pennywise was working at his job, which he chose because they specifically took all transactions in pennies. His boss came up to him at his station and said “you just aren’t that good at this job, so now I am changing it.
Starting today you will work in contacts and relations!”
See, It makes more cents in contacts.
5 penny jokes dad
- I caught my dad chewing pennies and spitting them out.
I said, “Dad, what the hell are you doing?”
He replied, “I’m making us rich son”
“How?” I asked
“Simple”, he said, “I’m making bit coins”
- A man walks into the bar with his pet chicken and walks up to the bartender.
The man claims his pet chicken can talk and answer his questions. The bartender, clearly not believing the man, agrees to place a bet of $100 on the chicken not being able to talk.
The man says to the chicken, “What is the name of a male deer.” The chicken responds with, “buuck.”
The bartenders groaned as the man continued by asking, “how much is 100 pennies.” The chicken answered, “Buuuck.”
Exasperated, the bartender exclaims, “This is stupid; I want my money back”
The chicken turns toward the man indignantly and says, “Hold on, it’s about to get really fucking good.”
- Why are 1980 pennies worth more than 1979 pennies?
The same reason 10 pennies is worth more than 9.
- A father and his young son go to a restaurant and to keep him occupied, he gives the boy 5 pennies to play with.
Suddenly, the boy starts choking and his face starts turning red! The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back.
The boy coughs up two of the pennies but keeps chocking.
Looking at his son, panicking, the father starts shouting for help.
A well dressed, serious looking woman, in a blue business suit, is sitting at a nearby table reading from her laptop and sipping a cup of coffee.
At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee down, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants, takes hold of the boy’s testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.
After a few seconds, the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last penny, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy’s testicles, the woman walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word, but keeps the penny.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, “I’ve never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?”
“No,” the woman replied. “I’m with the Internal Revenue Service.”
5 Penny Riddles
- “Penny has 5 children”.
The 1st is named January.
2nd kid is named February.
Her 3rd child is called March.
The 4th is April.
What is the name of the 5th?
- What is the difference between a shiny new penny and an old dirty quarter?
- I have 2 coins that add up to 6 cents but one of them isn’t a nickle, what are the coins?
A penny and a nickle, the penny isn’t a nickle!
- What has a head, a tail, is brown and has no legs?
- I am an odd number. I am between 7 and 13. I am 1 dime and 1 penny, What am I?
- I have three USA coins. They are not quarter, nor a dime, or a penny. It adds up to 60 cents.
What are the coins?
A 50 cent piece and 2 nickel.
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