Ready to laugh with duck jokes?
We Just grab some fresh duck jokes from all around the internet.
Well, sit back and read our massive collection of duck jokes that you can’t stop laughing at after reading.
Best Duck Jokes
Jokes tell us that ducks are hilarious and cool. These jokes are short or question & answer type.
- “Doctor, doctor, my wife thinks she’s a duck.”
“You better bring her in to see me straight away.”
“I can’t do that – she’s already flown south for the winter.” - What kind of weather excites a pet duck?
Fowl weather. - What do you get if you mix ducks with fireworks?
Firequackers. - At what time do ducks wake up?
The quack of dawn. - What do you call a duck that steals?
A robber duck. - What do you get when you put six ducks in a box?
A box of quackers. - What did the duck detective say to his partner?
“Let’s quack this case.” - What did the duck say when the waiter brought the check?
“Please put it on my bill.” - What do you see when a duck bends over?
Its butt-quack. - Which side of a duck has the nicest feathers?
The outside. - What happens when ducks fly upside down?
They quack up - Where do ducks go when they are sick?
To the ducktor. - What do ducks like to eat with soup?
Quackers. - What shows do ducks watch on television?
Duckumentaries. - What has webbed feet and fangs?
Count Duckula - What do you call two ducks and a cow?
Quackers and milk. - What is it called when it’s raining ducks and geese?
Fowl weather. - Why do ducks fly south for the winter?
Because it’s too far to waddle - Why do ducks never grow up?
Because they grow down. - What do you call a clever duck?
A wise quacker. - Why was the duck put into the basketball game?
To make a fowl shot. - There once was a barman who owned a duck that danced on a tin box. He sold the duck to another barman who phoned him later asking how to make it stop. The first barman replied, “Just open the tin and blow out the candles!”
- Why did the duck come home sick from the hospital?
The doctor he saw was a quack! - Donal Duck walked into a medical and asked for condoms.
“Certainly, sir,” said the lady behind the counter.
“shall I put them on your bill?”
Donald Duck replied, “No! I’ll thuficate!”
Duck Pick up Lines
- Do you like duck meat? Then duck down here and get some meat.
- Are you the mother duck because you quack me up.
- Will you be the duck sauce to my egg roll?
- If I were a duck, I’d be addicted to you like quack.
- You can call me Donald Duck…because I’m not wearing any pants.
- What did the duck say to the waiter?
Put it on my bill! - Hey baby, you wanna duck?
- Are you a duck?
Cause you make my heart waddle - Are you a baby bison/baby turtle duck?
Cause you cute as hell. - What do you call a duck who’s always telling jokes?
A wisequacker! - Why do ducks make good detectives?
They always quack the case! - Why was the duck arrested?
It was suspected of fowl play! - James Bond: [James is in bed with a Ling, a Chinese woman] Why do Chinese girls taste different from all other girls? Ling: You think we better, huh? James Bond: No, just different. Like Peking Duck is different from Russian Caviar. But I love them both. Ling: Darling, I give you very best duck.
- On what side does a duck have the most feathers?
The outside! - When does a duck get up?
At the quack of dawn! - Can I serve you a frittata made with local ducks eggs in bed tomorrow morning?
- Ducks go quack, cows go moo, let me stick it in and you’ll go “Oooooh”.
- Hey girl. You were right. Beet kvass is a better pairing for duck liver pâté than red wine.
Duck knock knock Jokes
- Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Duck!
Duck who?
Duck quick! My ball is heading towards you! - Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Quack!
Quack who?
Quack open the door and you’ll see! - Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Nobel
Nobel who?
No bell, that’s why I knocked! - Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Dwayne.
Dwayne Who?
Dwayne the bath,
I’m drowning! - Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Duck.
Duck who?
Just Duck! They’re throwing things at us! - Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Who.
Who who?
Are you duck?
Best Duck Puns
- I may be goose, But I sure am quacker
- what do you call a duck that steals?
A robber ducky - What do you call a duck that’s high on drugs A quackhead
- What’s a duck’s favourite drug? Quack.
- What do you call a duck that steals? A robber ducky.
Duck Jokes walk into a bar
These jokes are related when a duck walks into a bar, office, hospital, pharmacy, or street.
- So this guy walks into the doctor’s office with this big white duck on his head.
The doctor looks up and says, “Yes, sir, can I help you?”
And the duck says,
“Yeah, can you get this guy off my butt?” - A man and a duck are walking down the street together.
Suddenly the man notices a low flying airplane coming right for them.
So the man yells: “DUCK!!!!” and the duck yells back at the man with an angry face:
“MAN!!!!” - A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender,
“Has my brother been in here?”
The bartender responds,
“What does he look like?” - A duck walks into a bar. He looks like the happiest duck in the world. The bartender asks, “Why are you so happy today?”
The duck replies, “I’ve been playing in puddles all day.” The duck proceeds to order a beer and enjoy it at the bar.
A little while later another duck walks in the bar. He looks like the second happiest duck in the world. The bartender asks, “Why are you so happy today?”
The duck gives the bartender the same answer, “I’ve been playing in puddles all day.” This duck also orders a beer and enjoys it at the bar.
A third duck enters the bar, the total opposite of the first two ducks. He looks like the saddest duck in the world. The bartender asks the duck, “What’s wrong with you?”
The duck replies, “My name is Puddles and I’ve had a terrible day.” - A duck goes into a bar and says, ‘I would like a drink. I am old enough.’
The bartender replies, ‘You need to be able to prove who you are.’
The duck pulls out a mirror. He looks in it, nods his head, and says, ‘Yep, that’s me.’ - A Duck Walks into…
A duck walks into a pharmacy and asks for Chapstick.
The cashier says, “Cash or check?” and the duck says, “Just put it on my bill.” - A duck walks into a store and asks the guy behind the counter for duck food.
“Don’t have any duck food. Just dog food and cat food.”
“Okay, thanks,” the duck says and leaves.
The next day the duck comes back. “Got any duck food?” he asks.
“I told you — only dog food and cat food.”
“Okay, thanks.”
The next day the duck shows up again, asking for duck food.
Now the man behind the counter is annoyed. “I’ve told you for three days running, we don’t carry duck food.” “Okay, thanks.”
The fourth day, here comes the duck. “I’m looking for the duck food section.”
The counterman blows his stack. “You come in here one more time and ask for duck food, and I’ll nail your webbed feet to the floor. You got that?”
“Okay, thanks.”
Next day the duck shows up again.
“What do you want?” the counterman asks threateningly.
“Um, got any nails?” the duck says.
“No, no nails.” “Okay, got any duck food?” - A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.
The barman looks at him and says, “hang on! You’re a duck.”
“I see your eyes are working,” replies the duck.
“And you can talk!” exclaims the barman.
“I see your ears are working, too,” says the Duck. “Now if you don’t mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?”
“Certainly, sorry about that” says the barman as he pulls the duck’s pint. “It ‘s just we don’t get many ducks in this pub.. What are you doing round this way?”
“I’m working on the building site across the road,” explains the duck. “I’m a plasterer.”
The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it.
So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves.
The same thing happens for two weeks.
Then one day the circus comes to town.
The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him “you’re with the circus, aren’t you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!”
“Sounds marvelous,” says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. “Get him to give me a call.”
So the next day when the Duck comes into the pub the barman says, “hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money.”
“I’m always looking for the next job,” says the duck. “Where is it?”
“At the circus,” says the barman.
“The circus?” repeats the duck.
“That’s right,” replies the barman.
“The circus?” the duck asks again. “With the big tent?”
“Yeah,” the barman replies.
“With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in caravans?” says the duck.
“Of course,” the barman replies.
“And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?” persists the duck.
“That’s right!” says the barman.
The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says ..
“What the f*ck would they want with a plasterer??!”
Those jokes are not written or created by us, we just collected those jokes from social media & another third-party website.
If any of the jokes are hateful or wrong please contact us we will remove them.
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