To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing.

I had a crazy dream last night! I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. Turns out it was just a Fanta sea.

What do you call a piece of toast at the zoo? Bread in captivity.

My friend drove his expensive car into a tree and, found out how his Mercedes bends.

 Did you hear about that great new shovel? It’s groundbreaking.

What did the hamburger name it’s baby? Patty!

That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!

How does Moses make coffee? Hebrews it.

 The machine at the coin factory just suddenly stopped working, with no explanation. It doesn’t make any cents.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs stuffed in your mailbox? Bill.

Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!

What did the sushi say to the bee? Wasabi!

I just found out that I’m colour blind. The news came completely out of the green!

Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!